First off I would just like to say that I will forever love and
miss my mother, there’s so many things I wanted to share with her that
in a physical state I can no longer do.
Things I know she will see
from heaven but will never be the same as if she were here with me.
One of the hardest times I think I will face is my wedding day, not
only because she’s no longer here with us but because I knew that she
absolutely loved my Fiancé Donald more than anything.. And I know she
wanted to see me marry him on March 20th..Which many of you
know is only 22 days away. She used to tell me how much she just wanted
to hold on for my wedding day and that anything after was up to God..
And that alone breaks my heart, although I see now that God had better
plans for her and in my heart I know she will be right there with me as
I walk down the isle to say I do to the man she adored.
My mother
and I also talked a lot about many other things she & I both would
have liked for her to have been here for such as being there when I
give birth to her grandchildren, seeing me get older, seeing my
accomplishments in life, sharing in more family holidays, and other
Mother-Daughter bonding times that we will now miss out on.
In
addition to that mother had many other things she wanted to see, do,
and say before she went to be with the Lord but her time was cut
entirely to short for that. She wanted to have more time with “Foot” as
she called him. He was her best friend for years and lover for 7 short
but meaningful months. David was there to help her cope with the loss
of her Husband, and he just meant a lot to my mother, she always said
how she didn’t have enough time with him…and that also brought me to
tears because I know how I would feel in a similar situation. David was
amazing to my mother and has been a blessing to my family during this
devastating time. So I would like to say thank you David, for
everything. Also I would like to say that My mother also wanted more
time with David’s grandbabies, she loved them a lot and wanted more than
anything to see them grow and to hold the newest addition Michael lee,
she saw pictures though and Katie she said he was amazing. Luke was
another child my mother loved more than anything she babysat him from
the time he was born until he was 1 ½ years old. And Flea she really
enjoyed the last time she saw him and was happy to be able to see him
before the good Lord took her to heaven.
I could go on forever about
the things my mom wanted, but that is something I will tell at a later
time, although one thing she did accomplish was getting saved. She was
saved days before she went to be with the Lord and that alone gave my
mother a lot of closure and assurance that she would be okay when her
time to go came, that also made my family rest easy. Mommy knew the
life she had led was far from perfect but she asked for forgiveness and
in Gods eyes that’s all that mattered.
During the last few weeks
of my mothers life I learned that she is by far the strongest, most
courageous woman I knew. She knew what was happening to her but she
took it and made the best of everyday she had left. She never let it
get her down in spirits.. Although at times she had her weak moments
and she would cry, but on a day to day basis she made the best of what
time she had left here on earth before her journey to heaven.
Although
she couldn’t leave the hospital to do things, she spent all the time
she could with family, friends, and other people who meant something to
her. You could hardly get her to rest because she just wanted to spend
time with family and friends instead of sleeping, although at times she
knew she had too and she did but not nearly enough. But she loved
everyone deeply and Im sure she will miss everyone until we are all
reunited in heaven one day and I know she will be there to greet us at
the gates.
Amazingly, my mother was very alert during her stay at
Memorial hospital, given a few hours the night before she passed away..
And she was also alert right before she went to sleep and went to be
with the lord. Which I am thankful for, I’m glad she didn’t have to
spend any of her time confused and unaware of her surroundings.. She
fought hard during her battle but unfortunately it wasn’t enough, God
was determined to have a new angel and he got just that, another
beautiful angel.
My mother will be greatly missed and loved for
many years to come, but we all know that she’s in a better place now,
and there is no more suffering. Watching her struggle was one of the
hardest things for me as a daughter and many of you as family members
and friends to watch. And now we can all rest easy knowing that she’s
in gods arms. Times like these are tough, but we all have to remember
that God has his reasons, many of which we don’t understand but we can
not hold grudges towards him we just have to believe that he needed her
more than we did, which is probably hardest for me because I needed
her too, but I cannot question his reasoning, no matter how much I
dislike it. We all just have to remember she is with us, in our hearts,
watching over us everyday. And that God will never put on us more than
we can handle, which is hard at times, but what doesn’t kill us only
makes us stronger right.
To end I would just like to say I love
you Mom, I miss you, and I will be seeing you again one day, until then
please be there to guide me along my journey in life and watch over me
until we meet again. I’ll be seeing you…
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